Friday, April 1, 2011
O gad, did I do THAT?
This is my second official post to this blogspot thing. If you are viewing this now, dear reader, please overlook my obvious novice status to this world of blogging. After posting my inital venture into the blogging realm I perused some of the other blogspot pages and was amazed at all some of the creative things going on. Wow. Just wow. Okay, but I am seriously worming away from the initial reason I opened this blog, for attempting to just vent some of my grief. I guess this HAS to be okay just on the merits of that. I will no doubt improve as I go along, including pictures and all! Wow. Thanks for listening.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Brokenhearts
Because my heart is completely breaking, I find the need to blog. I have finally permitted myself the unspeakable luxury of committing my feelings to a format which exposes me to the world. I am not in need of hiding, rather I am looking to the purpose of needing to feel a part of the larger whole. My mother is dying.
Years ago, fifteen to be exact, I discovered a book which I thought would be helpful, when my sister in law's mother passed. It was called "Motherless Daughters". Now I want it for myself. You might be curious as to why, at this stage in life, I feel a need to do so. If you are like me, you will presume this to be a need felt by young girls who are left motherless at a tender or vulnerable stage in their developments. But this is the basic, universally felt need, my desire to be recognized, in my grief that at times is welling up inside me like a tsunami on the shore. I am in a struggling, helpless, most tender stage of grief as this pillar and basis of my very existence disappears before my eyes.
I hadn't been able to see what others were talking about, this "becoming the parent" which they say is the hallmark of this phase of the game. Or maybe it's better described as, in my case, just grief, I don't know. But I have not heard it described in such a way that I could properly put it into perspective, so I will describe it myself here as just being of such enormity, this personal place in one's life that a mother keeps, as to render itself virtually unthinkable to do without. Unthinkable.
Years ago, fifteen to be exact, I discovered a book which I thought would be helpful, when my sister in law's mother passed. It was called "Motherless Daughters". Now I want it for myself. You might be curious as to why, at this stage in life, I feel a need to do so. If you are like me, you will presume this to be a need felt by young girls who are left motherless at a tender or vulnerable stage in their developments. But this is the basic, universally felt need, my desire to be recognized, in my grief that at times is welling up inside me like a tsunami on the shore. I am in a struggling, helpless, most tender stage of grief as this pillar and basis of my very existence disappears before my eyes.
I hadn't been able to see what others were talking about, this "becoming the parent" which they say is the hallmark of this phase of the game. Or maybe it's better described as, in my case, just grief, I don't know. But I have not heard it described in such a way that I could properly put it into perspective, so I will describe it myself here as just being of such enormity, this personal place in one's life that a mother keeps, as to render itself virtually unthinkable to do without. Unthinkable.
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